Most people I know would probably say yes without thinking further when asked if they want to time travel and go back to their twenties to restart. I, however, get stuck in one question whenever I come across such a topic: will it make my life any better if I’d be able to do so? In contrast to most people I know, I am the kind of person who doesn’t want to go back instead of trying to make it better when I can, simply because I believe you are blessed to have become wiser with time, and you shouldn’t be worrying about growing with it.
When I was a shitty person
I was in my twenties, and I’d think that I was one of the brightest people on earth, that I was always right, and that the world was too stupid to understand me. I honestly had no respect for the people who had made their way to the top, as I believed it was pure luck that had helped put the wrong people in the right positions. And I was terrifyingly sure whatever I’d do, I’d nail it a hundred percent. So I never even believed in learning.
I had an ambition then: to earn a lot of money. Of course, everyone has similar aspirations at that age, but I was among the clowns who would chase it the wrong way, for I only dreamed of ruling the world without making the right effort, refusing to get the right advice, and always blaming others for my failure.
How I perceived the world and myself then doesn’t seem quite right now.
We grow wiser as we grow older, for sure, but most of us never learn from the mistakes we make along the way. And I know it’s tough for all of us to realize that we’ve been wrong instantly. But I’m surprised most of us never acknowledge if we’ve ever been wrong in our lifetimes. That was me for a long time.
As written in my fate, my failure was inevitable, so I failed. But I got back up and failed again and again without ever knowing I would never achieve anything better if I kept doing the same thing.
Finally, my failures got me on my knees and forced me to change, or at least try being humble. I considered seeking advice, gaining knowledge, and even acknowledging my mistakes, but by then I had slipped far away from the people who actually mattered to me. Yet, I didn’t stop blaming others (at least fate) for my failures. And when I woke up super broke one morning, I realized I had lost significant years of my life doing nothing productive.
But no journey ends with failures
I’m in my mid-thirties now, and life’s much better. I am gaining knowledge, appreciating other’s advice, and, most importantly, inspecting things critically. I know I can be wrong, and I am only aware of a tiny fraction of what’s there in the world.
I so wish I should’ve known these things then. But nevermind, I have identified where I want to be in the future, my point B. This time, I’m slowly moving the needle, learning a new thing and every day. There’s no rush!
But things may not have been this way if it wasn’t for an encounter, if a wise man hadn’t advised me to audit myself.
Today it’s been more than a year since I deactivated my Facebook account (not out of security concern or depression). I just didn’t want to see myself on the social media platform anymore.
If you hang around with five idiots, you’re the sixth one. I was surrounded by wrong people (I was one of the wrong people for everyone else too). And I never understood that people who talk the most have empty minds (me). The scrutiny of the past through my Facebook timeline kept suggesting I was wrong at literally everything. I can now honestly believe I was one of the most hated people in my circle of friends and family because I detest such characters myself at present; probably I always did.
My red pill advice
We all have our personal goals at every stage of life, whether it be short-term or long-term; sane, or stupid. But most of us fail to understand the right measure to achieve it, or even if we do, we somehow don’t follow it.
By nature, we are the slaves of our mind that feels accomplished in fake satisfactions. And it tries hard to trick you for lifetime. But don’t worry! You’ll come across a time at some point where you’ll learn to master it, not make it your master. Just make sure you have that time before you’re old.
Today, I don’t blame anyone, not even a decade young me, for the past embarrassments. Instead, I take even the most shameful outcome as a hard-learned lesson, not forgettable incident. And life is much more than regrets.
Use all your spare time to learn something new, and you’ll not believe where life will take you.
Michael Ghimire 